What celebrity are you?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Yeah, I turned out to be a "people loving Macedonian dwarf." Ain't that a shot in the chops? I don't mind being compared with Mother Teresa. I mean, I've been called a real mother on many occasions. But being called a short person. Heck, I'm right at 6'0" (nearly 2 meters or metres) tall. So, I ain't no dwarf.

No, I don't think I'm a saint like Mother Teresa. Before I attain that level, I need to develop some more 'giving' tendencies. Of course, my wife thinks I'm too giving on some occasions. Like the time I bought the homeless guy a bucket of chicken complete with mashed taters and corn and biscuits and drink. But, hey, that's what I'd want to happen to me. So, no, I don't mind being compared with Mother Teresa.

Check out the link. See who you compare with!

Fear - Part V - That's a Wrap!

Podcast of this entry available here
So far, I've examined:

1. Fear of Failure
2. Fear of the Unknown
3. Fear of Losing Control
4. Fear of People who are Different

Today, I'm going to wrap up this series by discussing the biblical views of fear.
One day, Jesus was napping on a boat with his disciples when a big storm blew up. The boat rocked and rolled. The disciples were afraid that their boat was sinking and woke the LORD from His nap. He went up on the deck of the boat and said, "Peace! Be still!" And the sea was still.
Then He looked at His disciples and said, "You have so little faith! Why were you afraid?" Luke 8:22-25
I feel like the disciples. I have the Master of the Universe on my side, and I'm still afraid. No matter how much I claim to have faith in Jesus Christ, I am still fearful of this life. I have not yet faced any serious persecution for my faith, as have so many around the world throughout history. Why, then, am I afraid? What is there to be fearful of?
Honestly, I'm not afraid of death. I know where I'm going to go when I die. What can be worse than dying? So, I've begun to examine my life very closely, finding the areas that trigger fear. One by one, I'm turning these problems over to God. One by one, I'm filling those spaces with Him. One day, I'll know perfect peace without fear. 'Til then, there's always hope.

---

What fills your life with fear? Is it death? Is it finances? Is it a particular person? Is it an illness? I have learned in my head that Christ can handle all of these fears for you. Teaching it to my fearful heart, though, is another matter. My heart and my head seem to be completely disconnected. For example, I knew in my head that the woman who would later become my wife wanted nothing to do with me. I'm glad my heart was persistent. :)
Teaching our heart not to fear requires facing those fears head on. One has to work very hard to push those fears into the background. Once you see that the fears are empty, you will gain confidence to overcome them completely. The most effective way to do this is to ask God to help you with the fears. He will throw you into your fears faster and harder than you believed possible. But, when you emerge unscathed on the other side, He will have given you complete control of your fear. You no longer have to be afraid.
Thank God for His healing power. Thank God for His promise that we never have to face this life alone. Thank God for being our Father!

Fear - Part IV

Podcast of this entry available here
I'm thinking about using music from Rush - their "Fear" trilogy from 1980-1984 - for this podcast. Songs in this trilogy include "Witch Hunt" from 1980's Moving Pictures album (which is part 3), "The Weapon" from Signals (1982) and "The Enemy Within" from 198's Grace Under Pressure. Yeah, Rush likes to do things backward!

Listening to "Witch Hunt", I was reminded of another fear people suffer - the fear of people different from them. The song is as true of Christians as it is bashing some who take Christ's name. In a previous post, I detailed how some people are spreading hatred in the name of Love. The song Witch Hunt hits these hypocrites rather hard. But, it ignores the same distrust many unbelievers have for people of faith.

We are all afraid of people that are different from us. Like in previous posts, these fears can be healthy or unhealthy. For example - if someone is unkempt, has a wild look in their eyes and is wielding a weapon of some sort, I think it's reasonable to demonstrate a degree of fear toward that person. But, to be afraid - even hateful - of someone based solely upon the color of their skin or political dogma is very unhealthy. And people do that all the time.

I've experienced that discriminatino first-hand. In 1984, I went to a rally for incumbent President Ronald Reagan at the Corpus Christi Airport. Exactly on time, Air Force One flew in, the Marine Band struck up "Hail to the Chief" and the President walked down the steps from the jet to a podium. The crowd cheered wildly, myself and several 18-19 year old friends included. Mr. Reagan was our promise for a bright future, as we saw it. The GOP set up two grandstands - one for supporters and one for protestors. The protestors had their signs and shouted ugly comments as Mr. Reagan spoke. But the supporters simply ignored them and after the rally we all went on our merry ways. The rally got a back-page paragraph in the local paper.

Later that month, three of us attended a rally for Walter Mondale at Buccaneer Stadium in Corpus Christi. The same group of friends made signs that were not caustic, but implied that Reagan would win the election in a landslide (which he did). Upon entering the facility, we were told that we had to remove the sticks that supported our signs, as those sticks could be used as weapons. We asked about the people who had signs with sticks, and were told that they were supporters. We clearly had hostile intent. Laughing about the dichotomy, we did as we were told and entered the stadium. Mr. Mondale and Ms. Ferraro were late, so we milled about the stadium with our signs. There was no place for us to go, we were put in with the average crowd. We saw a fight erupt several feet away, and folks with signs like ours were involved. We started getting nervous.

A little later, several clean-shaven twenty-something college students approached us and told us to take down our signs. We said, "It's a free country, and we have freedom of speech." Their reply: "Not here you don't," and they began to circle us. The odds were eight to three. They couldn't attack us unless they outnumbered us. They tried to intimidate us, but we held our signs high with pride. Then they jumped. Our signs didn't survive, and I left the rally with a shiner. A shiner which I was proud to display, as I earned it sticking up for my Constitutional Rights! The next day, there was a picture of one of our attackers on the front page of the Corpus Christi Caller Times. (That should tell you how the newspaper felt about Reagan and Mondale!)

That entire incident occurred because of their fear of us. Our skin color didn't matter. Our relationship with God didn't matter. Our favorite football team didn't matter. All that mattered was our political ideology. To this day, I believe the Democrat Party stands for divisiveness and "Do it our way or we'll take you out." And that incident has led to increased intolerance for them. Though I don't always vote Republican, I very rarely vote for a Democrat candidate. It's only happened twice in twenty-two years.

There is also a great deal of fear in the conservative community toward people living 'alternative lifestyles'. While I believe there is a reason to fear the moral decline in our country, I believe the fear and hatred has been misdirected. As Christians, we are called to love our neighbor, regardless of their lifestyle. But conservatives have developed a fear and hatred against those who practice certain sins on a regular basis. I see it all the time in Christian chat-rooms. The hatred turns into violence, and someone dies simply because of a sin they committed - a sin that had not touched the life of the aggressor. Then, when convicted and jailed, the violent conservative whines and complains of a liberal justice system that loves the evil and hates those who 'walk in the light'.

While it's true that Christians are becoming a hated group in the United States, the reason is because so many who call themselves "Christians" do not 'walk in the light'. Christ's answer to those who threatened His lifestyle (and, eventually His life) was love. Even when dying, He asked for their forgiveness. His is an example we are asked to model. His is a life we are to emulate.

How can we defeat this fear and hatred of others simply because they are different? We pray about it. We get involved with those whom we fear. We show them the love of Christ. Don't preach to them, but live it. Most of all, we abhor violence. Blowing up an abortion clinic because you claim to be a Christian will only serve to drive an already fearful nation away from Christ. Killing a homosexual because you claim to be a Christian will only generate a hatred for Christans.

The differences in people is what makes life interesting. There are rock groups that use their music to espouse violence against people of African descent. They don't realize that people of African descent are the ones who gave them rock music. There are many Americans who hate Arabs simply because they are Arabs. They don't realize that Arabs gave us so much in the scientific community. There are Christians who hate Christians because they worship differently. They don't realize that we will all be worshipping together in the end, though I tend to have my doubts if those who hate have a right relationship with Christ...

There is so much Fear to write about. This series will continue on. Check back often!

Adios,
Clay

Fear - Part III

Podcast of this entry available here.

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder in October, 2000, I have found that my emotions are sometimes not correct. There are times when my emotions are confused. I should be happy, but I'm angry. I should be loving, but I'm aloof. I should be sad, but I laugh. The anger, though, is the worst. Anger leads to mania, and mania becomes a feeling of being god-like. I feel invincible. I feel powerful. I feel that I must be right; after all, I am like a god. I know no fear at this point. It feels good, so I feed it. I needle my wife. I look for the littlest thing out of place. I get more angry. A rage develops. Screaming, hitting walls and throwing furniture, I demonstrate my unhappiness with whatever the situation is.

It's not frightening for me, until it's over. Then I look back on what I've done, with remorse, embarassment, and fear that it may strike again. I have an intense fear of losing control of myself. I've experienced things many people shudder to think about. I've experienced rage so intense I could not breathe. I've experienced complete blackouts during my rage. I've been blessed that nobody has ever been struck by anything during these incidents.

I once had a dream that I was driving a car with my wife. It was a stick shift, but it was stuck in reverse. We were backing up a hill, and I had to work the clutch and steer. For some reason, the brake pedal wasn't working, and, because I was twisted around looking out the back window, my wife had to work the hand brake. I looked it up in a Jungian dream interpretation book. It said that dreams about vehicles are dreams about control. Was the vehicle under control? Barely. Who was controlling the vehicle? Both my wife and I. Who was in control of my life? My wife and I both were.

I was happy with that interpretation. Particularly since I'm fearful of losing control of my own anger and rage. She's very helpful. She can see it coming on, and she helps me take steps to avoid the issue. But, I'm digressing.

In October, 2000, I was diagnosed and began a regimen of medication for bipolar disorder. The medications numbed my creativity and desire for much more than existence. I no longer wanted to die, but I didn't really want to live, either. They were also taking a serious toll on my physical well-being. I had to take many more medications just to prevent high blood pressure, kidney and liver damage. By the summer of 2003, I was up to 22 pills every day.

An interesting turning point occurred on January 30, 2002. I dedicated my life to Christ. A month later, at a Joyce Meyer Seminar, I came to understand the healing power of Jesus Christ, the Great Physician. I asked Him to heal me. I asked Him to take away the bipolar disorder and allow me to live a normal life. My answer came from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. When the Apostle Paul asks Christ to take away a tormentor, the reply was, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

That statement struck me. Christ did not take away the thorn in Paul's flesh, but used the thorn to make Paul's message stronger. I had pleaded with Him to take away my torment - bipolar disorder. My answer was that He would not. Staying in communion with Him, however, through prayer and study of the Word, has given me respite from my torment. So great was the relief, that in October 2003 I worked with my doctors to come off the medications.

Now secular psychologists and psychiatrists are very reluctant to let someone stop taking medication for a condition that is believed to be permanent. I had to promise that I would stay in touch with them afterward. I went one step further. I asked mental health experts at my church to observe me. My wife was trained to spot signs. Most of the experts bet against me. And, there are times when I thought they must be right. But, God has kept demons at bay.

It's not a simple matter, it required building discipline in my life. There have been a few incidents in the last three years, but they are increasingly rare. As my faith grows, my weakness withers. My fear of losing control withers with it. I have become more confident. I know that God is in control, and as long as I let Him drive the car, I'm fine. We can go backward all the way to Canaan, and I'll enjoy the ride.

Over the last few days, I've begun to experience some familiar feelings of mania. My mind's racing, and I am barely able to keep up with it. I can't sleep (look - it's 1:45am and I'm typing in my blog!). I am very talkative. I have called friends all over the country just to say hi. I'm glad we have unlimited long distance!

Tonight, however, I asked God to help me once again. I may have slacked off in my Spirit maintenance. I knew I had to write this in my series on Fear. Sleep will come. It did last night after I prayed and asked for His help. Things will return to normal. Even though I feel the demons returning, I am not afraid. I know God is in control. I know I'll be fine. The fear of losing control is in His hands, and He has crushed it like a day-old newspaper.

Thank God for His healing power!

Fear - Part II

Podcast of this entry is available here.

Last time I discussed personal fear of failure. It's what keeps me from pursuing my dreams to completion. Today, I'd like to discuss another fear - a crippling fear. The fear of the unknown. I used to not suffer much from this. In fact, my fear of failure sometimes welcomes the unknown. It will usually interrupt my work and not allow me to continue! :)

Many people are afraid of the unknown. After all, they don't know what it is, how can they be comfortable if they don't know what it is? Ya know, a long time ago, I promised myself I would not turn down a food - as long as someone else was eating it also. Two examples come to mind: A friend of my dad was telling me how good shell-on shrimp was. He dropped a whole shrimp - with the head and guts and everything else - in the deep fryer. When it was cooked (and after it cooled), he ate the whole thing. Since I figured he wasn't putting me on, I tried one. I didn't like it. But I didn't turn away from the unknown.

Another example, from my travels in the US Navy, was a Philippine delicacy called a balut. I don't recommend them, but some people like them. I'm just grateful that the bar in which I ate a balut was dark enough that I couldn't see it that well. They take an egg that is partially developed and they hard boil it. Then they put it on your plate. I think mine was soft boiled. PNC Sullivan bought it for me. I never forgave him. But, I ate it, because there were other people (locals) eating them.

I've never had much fear of the unknown. I tend to meet the unknown head on. For a while, if I was surrounded by 'known' elements, I would render them unknown with alcohol or drugs. I thrived on it. I was too easily bored by routine. Lately, however, even this fear has been shutting me down.

In politics, my mother used to say "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." That was before Bill Clinton. She retired that phrase in 1996.

Fear of the unknown can be a healthy thing. It's what keeps you from walking in an unfamiliar dark room so you don't injure yourself. It's what keeps you from being completely trustful of strangers. It's what keeps you alive when the possibility exists that you might die. Taken to an unhealthy extreme, however, it will stop you from functioning.

How? I'm not sure a 'job' would be better or worse than the position in which I am right now. The 'job' is the unknown. Should I be offered a job - anything that pays more than what my wife makes - I don't know if I'd be comfortable taking it. It is, after all, the unknown. As much as I'd like to trade places with her, and as much as she'd like to trade places with me, neither of us are comfortable with the alternatives. They are unknown.

So, how can you know if your fear of the unknown is healthy or not? I'm not a trained psychological professional, but I believe that it's unhealthy if you cease to step out in faith. We are taught that God is our protector. He will keep us from harm. A popular phrase says, "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it." 1 John tells us that "perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Therefore, if I fear, His work in me is not yet complete.

Who had better reason to fear? Me or the Apostle John? He was constantly facing persecution for his faith. Me, I'm just bumbling along trying to make sure my kids turn out better than me. He was exiled to a small island in the middle of the &198;gean sea, away from all other believers. This could have been a crushing blow to his spirit, but He trusted in God. He trusted that God would not let him down. His faith was so strong that Christ delivered the Apocalypse - the Revelation of the end of times - while John was exiled.

Fear of the unknown drives us away from God, not nearer to Him. How do you defeat a fear? Face it head on. God told Abraham to pack up everything he had and leave. "I'll tell you where to stop when you get there." Abraham faced the unknown head on. He became the father of our faith. He met God.

I pray that we can all learn to face our fears. God has wonderful adventures in store for us. All we have to do is let Him take us there.

Fear - a new series - Part I

Today, I begin a new series on the subject of fear. The topic arose from several discussions I've had with my wife about my inability to see anything through to completion. I'm so afraid of failure that I've programmed myself not to succeed. I think my podcast may be a reflection of that.

fear  (fîr) n.

1. 1. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
   2. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
2. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
3. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
4. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

- www.dictionary.com

Part I - Be Strong and Courageous

Throughout the Bible, God tells us to "be strong and courageous" in various forms. In the first chapter of Joshua, He says it to the new leader of Israel four times. The phrase "be strong and courageous and do not be afraid" appears in various forms 11 times (see list). Many times, it is accompanied by "the LORD goes with you".

As I said, I'm so afraid of failure that I cannot succeed. I get to a point where I'm so afraid to make a mistake that I don't do anything.

Example: I never really cleaned my house until I got married. Mine was the proverbial bachelor pad. Stuff strewn everywhere! I had a pile of clean clothes and a pile of dirty clothes. Every morning, I pulled out a pair of dockers and a shirt, ironed them, put them on and went to work. My kitchen, however, I kept pretty clean. I like to cook, and I don't like a dirty kitchen.

When I got married, however, all that had to change. I could no longer forgo vacuuming for a month. I could no longer forgo dusting completely. I often compared my wife to the inspectors in the Navy. All she lacked was a white glove (which she has threatened to buy). And, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep the house clean.

Then I lost my job and became the 'househusband'. My job became keeping house. My job was to keep it clean, and if I failed at that, what good would I be?

After examining the situation, I was so afraid of failure, that I was failing. I had to break the huge job of 'cleaning house' into many smaller jobs of 'pick-up', 'vacuum', 'bathrooms', 'pet litter' and, oh, please no 'dust'. When I can break it down, I can do pretty good. (Now I have two little girls who follow around and undo everything I did, though...)

Once I recognize my fear, I'm able to overcome it. Once I recognize that the thing stopping me is a fear of failure, I push through. Well, actually, I can't overcome it on my own, I need divine intervention - prayer. I need to ask for help to get through it. I didn't overcome alcoholism, pornography and bipolar disorder without outside help. So what makes me think I can overcome this on my own?

Fear is a crippling problem in my life, and in the lives of many people I know. Fear prevents us from being ourselves. It robs us of our successes and forces us to live mediocre lives. It steals away the desire to take risks and chase dreams. It traps us in boring lives that we long to get away from.

Be strong and courageous and do not be afraid! The LORD goes with you each and every day!

List of references for Be Strong and Courageous

1. Deuteronomy 31:6
   • Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
2. Deuteronomy 31:7
   • Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, "Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance.
3. Deuteronomy 31:23
   • The LORD gave this command to Joshua son of Nun: "Be strong and courageous, for you will bring the Israelites into the land I promised them on oath, and I myself will be with you."
4. Joshua 1:6-9
   • ⁶ "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
5. Joshua 1:18
   • Whoever rebels against your word and does not obey your words, whatever you may command them, will be put to death. Only be strong and courageous!"
6. Joshua 10:25
   • Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.
7. 1 Chronicles 22:13
   • Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.
8. 1 Chronicles 28:20
   • David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.
9. 2 Chronicles 32:7
   • Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him.

FANTASY FOOTBALL!

"I don't know what the heck I'm doing." That's what I said when I was invited to a fantasy football league. But, Da Rat invited me, so I signed up.

My team is called "Da Ramblers". We're gonna have a draft on Sunday. I probably need to show a little support for my home team Texans and get some of them, but I may be better off letting the computer auto-pick for me. Most of the players I know of are retired (or dead).

The prize - knowing that you were able to pick better players than the others. Oh, and bragging rights. 'Specially if Raspybro or me wins. That means that one of the two football-ignorant members of the league have done better than the 'pros'.

I'll keep you posted here.

Oh - note that I haven't written about the Astros. It seems that they do well until I talk about them. So I've shut up in hopes that it will help. It hasn't. They're currently 6 ½ games behind the hated St. Louis Cards. Last season, they waited until September to show up, and they made it to the World Series. There's still a chance.

Root for the 'Stros and Da Ramblers. We're gonna take it all! Oh, and pray for the Texans. They need all the help they can get!

Score One for Homeowners!

WASHINGTON -
President Bush on Monday signed a bill that would bar condominium and homeowner associations from restricting how the American flag can be displayed.

Sponsored by Rep. Roscoe Bartlett, R-Md., the resolution would prohibit those groups from preventing residents from displaying an American flag on their own property.

It was passed unanimously by both the House and the Senate.

"Americans have long flown our flag as an expression of their appreciation for our freedoms and their pride in our nation," Bush said in a statement. "As our brave men and women continue to fight to protect our country overseas, Congress has passed an important measure to protect our citizens right to express their patriotism here at home without burdensome restrictions.

- AP, 07/24/2006

My homeowner's association is notorious for telling people they cannot display flags in certain ways. Many of us do it anyway, and when the letters come we move the flag to some other point on the property. The association tells us, "It must be attached to the eaves of the roof". Well, in the case of my neighbor, his house is two stories with a detached garage in the back. There is no place that he can put his flag that is visible from the street. In honor of American veterans, like myself, he puts his flag on a long pole in his front yard. He's been to many homeowner's meetings to fight it, but they keep saying that his display of the flag lowers home values.

Well, my friend, put your flagpole back! Everyone put your flagpoles up! You can do it now, without fear of retribution! Tell those curb nazis exactly what they can do with their regulations! Jam 'em right up the flagpole! Celebrate with me! My flagpole goes up tomorrow!



I feel 'specially patriotic now! Thank you George Bush!